maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize