u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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