sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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