I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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