Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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