Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
