my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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