Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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