so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
