his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
