I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
