I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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