I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
