Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
