Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize