I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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