i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
