hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Couch. On fire.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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