You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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