Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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