you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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