Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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