dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
