wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
