we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
