I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
