the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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