i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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