so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
