I cockslap morals
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
