so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
