I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
