Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
