I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
