Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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