wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
