Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
