god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His nipple licking is glorious
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