just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
