I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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