All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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