I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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