Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
