Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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