My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
