R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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