so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
