but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
