Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I CAN MOONWALK!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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