he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
