She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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