His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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