Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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