They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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