you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
