she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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