I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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