ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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