I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
