She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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