exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
