I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize