i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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