I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
