So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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