I bet he comes in French.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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