Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Welp...herpes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
