maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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