my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Shame is for Republicans.
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